Stars in her eyes

I got my telescope out this morning, for the first time since I left home for York. Why this morning? Because it was a beautiful clear day and I wanted to get a look at our closest star πŸ™‚ I ordered some Baader film (special solar filter material) last week and after getting my scope out I finished making the solar filter I started a couple of days ago. Don’t be impressed, it’s just cardboard, duct tape and filter film!

When I’d stuck the last piece of tape to myself (oops!) I took the lot outside and pointed it at the Sun. Success! Solar astronomy takes a bit of practise and I’m rather rusty, but I did manage to at least get it in my field of view, even if my eyelashes did keep getting in the way πŸ˜› It was so windy that the solar filter film kept getting rippled and I kept losing the focus, but still, it was great to rescue my telescope from the spare room at last. Maybe tomorrow the wind won’t be so ferocious. If I ever managed to take a decent picture with my webcam I’ll post it here but don’t hold your breath, I’m a complete novice with webcam astrophotography πŸ˜› practise practise!

After lunch I made some more banana bread. More practise needed. The first batch I made a month or so ago was great except for the pineapple (don’t ask), the second was nice but the strawberries (lol, I promise there were bananas as well as all these other random fruits!) made it too soggy, and this time it’s somehow not sweet enough. Apparently I also need to work on my blogging skills, because the photo has come out upside down again!! Huh?!

Like I said a few days ago, I used to be really good at baking before I had to stop eating wheat, but I’ve had a rough time with the anorexia for the same amount of time I’ve been gluten free, so I’ve not done enough gluten free baking to be any good at it yet. It’s a bit of a mission, it’s more like a chemistry experiment than baking sometimes!

I’ve just been looking at my relapse prevention post from last month. I intend to check it at least once a month to make sure I’m not missing any relapse warning signs. At the moment I am still having trouble with two out of sixteen of the behavioural (weighing food and reading triggering stuff like articles on dieting), one out of nine of the emotional (feeling uncomfortable in my body – but that’s not a big deal, it’s only to be expected when gaining weight, and I don’t intend on acting on it), and only one out of nine of the physical (not getting my period, but I’m nearly at the BMI at which it came back last time!). So all in all, no change. I really want to do something about the two behavioural ones though, I’m think I’m ready to start challenging stuff like that. It’s not physically dangerous behaviour and I’ve been doing it the whole time I’ve been gaining weight so it’s not a sign that I’m about to slip backwards but still, it needs to go – it’s a quality of life thing. Not quite sure what to do about it though. I have been quite successful with my rule of not weighing anything under 100kcal per 100g but I need to do this ALL the time. This week I’ve also stopped weighing some of my snacks, which is a big step. The reading triggering stuff is a bigger problem. It really frustrates me, I KNOW I shouldn’t do it but I still…well, do it. It doesn’t make things easier that it’s bloody everywhere, but that’s no excuse, no one is picking up magazines or clicking on links and putting the text in front of my nose where I can’t help but read it. Has anyone else had success putting themselves on a media diet like this? I could use some advice/encouragement. Overall though, I’m really pleased πŸ™‚

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my doctor at last. I’m very relieved! I have decided that if I get the all clear after the 24 hour heart monitor then I can probably start running again, as long as I start gently and only do it a couple of times a week for the next couple of months. Providing I don’t overdo it I am at a safe enough weight, and running has never been something that I’ve gotten obsessive about or used as a way of purging – on the contrary, I love it so much that I’ve always stopped doing it when the anorexia is getting worse because I don’t want running to be ‘ruined’ for me. It’s funny because I was terrible at all sports at school. I’m never going to be Paula Radcliffe but I love the hypnotic rhythm of running, it helps me feel more connected to my body and to see food as necessary fuel for my favourite hobby. I’m seeing Julie tomorrow too because she’s going on a course on Friday.

Three good things about today:
1. I made an interesting cross between a stew and a curry for dinner – sweet potatoes, chickpeas, mushrooms, onions and raisins cooked in a sauce of chopped tomatoes, coconut butter, peanut butter, coriander, cumin and turmeric. It was great, I’m so glad I had a go at branching out!
2. Tomorrow my dad is 52 and my brother is 20 and their presents are all wrapped and ready to go. This is great as I am usually found wrapping presents at 6am on the morning in question πŸ˜›
3. Appointments tomorrow: I always look forward to seeing Julie and I am really hoping my GP can shed some light on my worsening palpitations. If the tests find something, that’s fine – as long as I know what’s going on I can cope with anything. If they don’t, that’s also fine, I am used to accepting the weird stuff my body throws at me and I can deal with it perfectly well as long as I know it’s not going to kill me!


4 responses to “Stars in her eyes

  1. blueeyedheart

    I love your creation… it must be awesome to be able to see stars instead of fog and smog and smoke!!As for the upside-down pictures… it's Blogger, not you. ;p<3 ❀

  2. Hi girl! I am so proud of your awareness of the signs of relapsing! How incredibly wise of you! πŸ˜€ Also, I love your relapse prevention plan. It's genius. You are on the right track, chickadee. :)Your banana bread looks like one of those B-2 stealth bombers. πŸ™‚ ( Haha.Keep up your progress with your recovery! You are so wise to notice the "behaviors" and to take action to change them! Onwards and upwards! :)xoxoxoOkie

  3. I would love to see pretty stars! But I've always been afraid of random aliens popping up! :OI hope you have a great time celebrating you dad's and your brother's birthdays! ❀

  4. insideiamdancing

    glad you are keeping tabs on the relapse prevention and racking where you were/where you were…would it be worth doing another list of what 'recovery' would look like to somehow transition from one to the other?

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