I was productive today. Oh yes I was. I did my best at creating a CV (discovering in the process that I have four years worth of gaps, which I will just have to explain by telling the truth. Oh well), emailed one of my previous universities to ask what should have happened about a qualification I got from them in 2007 (I have no piece of paper saying that I have a Certificate in Rehabilitation Sciences…but I did finish the year), applied for an admin job with Barnardos and worked out my financial incomings and outgoings so I can stop being an arse and get a grip on it. I haven’t paid my mum any rent for three months because I’m so overdrawn. Bad Katie! Running cars is expensive – but even with petrol, monthly insurance payments and therapy sessions factored in, I should be able to afford to pay mum and still leave the house sometimes. Goodness knows what I’ve been spending it all on. And I have three more jobs to apply for, which I have ordered by application closing date. I also read through this months Runner’s World magazine and did five miles on the exercise bike. Oh, and I made cakes – chocolate-avocado cupcakes, my favourite vegan recipe. Damn, I just can’t be stopped today!

It didn’t hurt that the weather has been absolutely gorgeous today. We’ve had the french windows open all day, and I spent quite a lot of time sitting outside, reading or online. I am always in a better mood when the sun is shining. I think actually that my mood is too affected by the weather – every single ED relapse I’ve been through has started during the autumn. This is extra annoying because it’s damn cold during the winter – if I had to relapse I could’ve at least done it during the summer 😛 Anyway, I think the next time I see my GP – next week, in fact – I will ask about getting a lightbox on prescription. I’m sure he will agree that it’s a good idea, it can’t be a coincidence that all my crises occur in the winter and early spring. Maybe the vitamin D supplements I’m taking with the calcium will help too – not only is vitamin D good for calcium absorption and therefore bone density, but a deficiency can cause depression. People often become deficient in the winter because vitamin D is manufactured by your skin in reaction to sunlight. I can hope, anyway!

Right, before I forget, I have a couple of questions for you runners out there. Before I got really ill I was in training for the London marathon, so it’s not like I’m entirely new to all of this, but I think my previous knowledge has fallen through the holes in my memory 😛
1. My knees hurt. They never used to hurt when I ran. Is there anything I can do about this?
2. I remember having this problem before but not how I dealt with it: having had panic attacks for much of my life, I have a real problem stopping myself from hyperventilating when I run. You know how when you start eating ‘normally’ again after a period of restriction you can’t tell when you are hungry or full? I think it’s kind of like that – I can’t tell how much I need to breathe. I’m serious! Any tips on how to sort my breathing out would be much appreciated. After I finish running my breathing and heart rate are back to normal within minutes, so I don’t think I’m going too quickly, I just have trouble resisting the urge to hyperventilate.

This is such a disjointed post! I think I’m still pretty buoyed up by my realisations yesterday too 🙂 I will finish with photos.


My cakes! I originally got the recipe for chocolate-avocado cupcakes from VeggieGirl, but I’ve adapted it a…lot 😛 I just can’t leave recipes alone! I think it’s so I always have an excuse for baking – I need to work on perfecting my recipes!

This is my favourite photo of Rufus – he was trying to get his toy goose! Awww

Three good things about today:
1. Ellie has the internet again after moving house and Aisha is back from holiday! I missed them both, they are two of my favourite bloggers 🙂
2. The weather – it’s rare that I am actually content to stay home but it was so beautiful I didn’t want to get stuck in traffic, I just wanted to sit in the sun.
3. Cake. Oh come on, cake is always a good thing! And I really needed to use up that avocado.
4. Productivity! Long may it continue.
OK, so it was a trilogy of four today!


11 responses to “Productivity

  1. I missed you too!! I tried checking all my blogs there, I got frustrated and gave up due to the internet being so slow, I now have 450 on my google reader, oops.
    I think the lightbox thing is a good idea, but the whole vitamin D thing also depends on the type of vitamin D, it’s strange and confusing.
    Your cakes look great, I am jealous that you can bake, I wreck anything I try baking. What recipe do you use?
    I missed Ellie too. Rufus looks adorable but slightly scary there.

  2. Way to go on applying for the jobs and taking the reins with the financial stuff. I know it can be really easy to procrastinate on that and you are a go-getter.
    Oh, and I would definitely ask about the lightbox. I’m a California girl and I know without a doubt that I’d suffer living elsewhere. I need sun. When I was in treatment, a woman used a lightbox and she said it made a world of difference.
    I detest running, so I have no advice for you there. Sorry! However, on a related note, I heard about this book called “Born to Run” about this community in Mexico where they run ALL the time. Sounds interesting. They said they don’t have any injuries and the trick is to run without shoes. Not sure how I feel about that… 😉

  3. laurasworthlesswords

    I hate writing cvs, Im so useless at things like that. I think you did the right thing telling the truth though, sometimes honesty really is the best way. I remember a few years ago applying for a job as a care assistant and I just told the truth, they gave me the job. Lying about things on a form or trying to cover up the truth can just lead to a sticky mess at times.

    The light box sounds a great idea, Ive read about those from various places and they definitely sound worth a shot. Ohh your lucky today tho to have nice weather, its been raining all day here! I love the sun, I do think nice bright sunny days just make you feel well brighter.

    Ohh your cakes look yum, never would have thought of putting avocado with chocolate.


  4. Those cakes sound very very interesting…i just may have to make them soon 😛
    Definitly get a light box! Oh and thanks for the vit D and calcium note, I didn’t know about that one! Poor you, I hate doing CV’s with a passion. I mean…what the hell do you write in those things??! lol
    Hope you have a great day tomorrow and the sun stays with you
    ❤ xxx

  5. way to go on the budgeting! it’s one of those things that’s WAY easier to ignore and let money seep out of your pockets 😉
    I think the lightbox is the way to go…it’s a pity you couldn’t just go to Australia for the winter or something…I’ve always thought that’d be the best solution to these things! well maybe one day when you’re a famous physicist eh?
    I don’t know that much about running but my knees have always always hurt after I regained a significant amount of weight, is it possible there’s a connection there? I think your joints are vulnerable when you’re ED’d and weight gain can stress them. don’t ever associate that with overweight people having joint problems tho, cause I know I have a tendency to do that ;)…I think it’s more that your joints get used to carrying, well, the weight of a kid, and then they get shocked by more necessary weight!
    those cupcakes look brill, are they iced? or is that just a really interesting consistency?

  6. When the affects of my ed really started to show, I was running 6 days a week. It was then that my left knee really started giving me problems. That was 18 months ago. It is a little better now, and if I wear a brace I can run more than a mile without it hurting, but it’s stiff later. Anyway, my doc said that when you’re in “starvation mode” your body actually starts to “eat itself” and your muscles and joints can be vulnerable. Hope this helps. Just came across your blog and look forward to checking it out!

    • themilkfreeway

      That would have made sense six months ago, but I’ve been in recovery since March and regained 30lbs! I highly doubt that my body is ‘eating itself’ these days 😛 thanks for replying anyway 🙂

  7. triumphofourtiredeyes

    I can have a shot at your running questions:
    1. There are multiple reasons for this but the most likely is overuse. Are you warming up correctly? Are your running shoes worn out? It maybe that you have to run less frequently or try finding softer surfaces to run on. If it persists, I’d see your GP about it.
    2. You should be able to solve this by trying to pace your breathing. I manage to count in my the numbers 1 to 4 over and over again. It seems to work. Maybe listening to some music with a slower pace would also help?

    • themilkfreeway

      I do try to pace my breathing – three in, three out and then three in, two out later on when I’ve warmed up. Still doesn’t help – I don’t actually hyperventilate, I just really have to fight the urge to and it is very distracting and annoying. Sad 😦

  8. I get stressed out updating my resume, so I kind of know how you feel… I hope you can get it done without TOO much agony!!

    The picture of your dog is just too funny!! (Okay, I typed “foo” at first… I think that means it’s time for me to go to sleep. ;))

    ❤ ❤

  9. Now that’s what I call productive ~ you’re a human dynamo! Those cakes…all I can say is omnomnomnom. I wish I could be more eloquent but really there are no words to describe their vicarious deliciousness.

    Thank you so much for the recommendation re:the light box. I’m definitely going to see my GP about getting one on prescription…I seem to live down at the surgery recently, but it’s certainly worth a try! I think it would be lovely if we lived closer too…and I’m a sucker for gorgeous rural setting so I think I’d feel right at home ; )

    About the running: knee problems are generally caused by upping speed or mileage too quickly after a long period of rest (but since you read Runner’s World I’m sure you know that anyway!)…something that really helped my knees/hips was to take up pilates and yoga, which are fantastic for strengthening the muscles around the kneecap, thus helping to support the joint and hopefully prevent any IT band problems.

    With regard to the breathing, I think a possible solution would be to distract yourself somehow so that you don’t focus on it so much ~ I know when I have panic attacks the more I think about trying not to hyperventilate, the worse it gets. Listening to some music maybe, or constructing a story in your head (sounds weird I know but it’s something I used to do in ye olde days before iPods).

    I wish I could be of more help with this! Grr, I’m not used to being presented with a running problem I can’t solve ; )

    Thanks for your support ~ it means a lot and although it might seem inappropriate to be airing such problems in a public setting, it kind of helps me to feel vindicated in the sense that the truth is ‘out there’ in some form…I think my X-Files addiction may be coming back to haunt me.

    Here’s to many more sunny, productive days.

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