Well this has been a good distraction…

Thank you all so much for your comments on my post yesterday. I had trouble getting to sleep for thinking about it on the day the comment I was writing about was left, and I was so worried that everyone would think I was being really oversensitive writing about it yesterday but it really did hurt and I couldn’t just ignore it. Now I’m relieved that I did write that post, otherwise I wouldn’t have realised that the person who left it just misunderstood things badly and that the rest of you don’t think I’m a lazy sod 😛

In 90 minutes time I have an appointment with a nurse at my GP practise. I’m not usually one to get all wound up over medical appointments but this is for gynaecological shizzle, so my stomach is officially one big knot. The only other time in my life that I have had such a thing done I was doped up on valium and quetiapine so goodness knows how my brain is going to react to going through it sober. Best to find out now though, putting things off generally only makes them seem scarier.

I got a nice email from my therapist yesterday. I sent her one telling her that I couldn’t seem to stop crying over everything and it was annoying me (I am the queen of understatement 😛 ) and she replied trying to reassure me that it is normal and to be expected at certain points in recovery. I am trying to believe that but I’m still pretty freaked out. As well as randomly bursting into tears every five minutes I feel all slowed down, tired, lacking motivation, not finding things as fun or interesting as a few weeks ago, finding it hard to get to sleep and waking up early – all my usual early warning signs for depression. I guess I can’t really do anything about it other than wait and see what happens. I’m seriously not impressed with this though. Hello brain, can we possibly go ONE WINTER without shutting down? I would quite like to enjoy Christmas for a change. Goodness knows I’ve only had one other relatively ED-free Christmas in the last 12 years and the last three have been just awful, so I would like to get to have fun this time. Please? I am seeing my GP next week (lol, nurse today, CPN tomorrow, therapy Friday, GP Monday – this is not what the social calendar of a 25 year old should look like) so I will ask him about getting a light box. I think I’m allergic to winter!

My blog has been accumulating awards over the last week! Jessica, Laura and Nancy gave me the Kreativ blogger (very kreativ spelling there 😛 I like it) and Aisha gave me the Honest scrap one. Thank you peoples!!! I did the honesty one last month I think and I’ve done the Kreativ one before but that was ages ago, so what the hell 😉

kreativ_blogger_award1

Seven bloggers I want to pass it on to:
Fiona – just because she’s cool 😉
Katie – because she’s the most creative person I know, any way you spell it 😛
Jemima – although she doesn’t blog very often anymore she is a lovely person and is moving away to university very soon, so I think she needs to be told how brilliant she is!
Kim – who just celebrated her first ‘blogiversary’, and I am incredibly glad that she has stuck with blogging for a year because I always find her posts are thought provoking and inspiring.
Hannah – because I’ve just noticed that she’s back from South Africa and I’m really glad to see her blogging again!
Antonia – a very good friend of mine who has just started a new blog, so I’m trying to get all of you to go read it. Shameless, Katie, shameless. She’s very clever and an absolute star though, so do it. Doooo itttt.
I WOULD nominate my friend J but I think he might be a bit too grown up for playing bloggie awards. Am I right J? I still think he’s great though 😉

Seven things about me. The problem with being almost compulsively honest is that I don’t think I have seven previously unshared things to include! 😛
1. My all time hero is Einstein. I have an ‘Einstein quote of the day’ application on my iGoogle home page, along with NASA photos and ladybirds. Eclectic!
2. If I could be any fictional character it would be Scully from the X-Files. I even begged my mum for a long black coat for Christmas the year I was 14 because she kept wearing one in season 4.
3. The only green vegetables I like are broccoli and sprouts. Sprouts are yum 🙂
4. I never really buy labelled clothes and the only things in my wardrobe which could possibly fit that description are two hoodies from Animal. I am in love with Animal hoodies because they are so soft and fluffy!
5. Facebook hates me. Two days ago one of my cousins did a quiz to find out her ideal weight and there was a picture of the scales saying ‘fat’ next to a number which was MY EXACT WEIGHT. I presume this is because my cousin is quite a bit over that weight, but still, it was an amusing moment 😛 and then yesterday I posted something about my current addiction to olives, and another cousin asked me if they were fattening because since she started eating them all the time she has gained 30lbs. In her defence, my family do not talk about…anything, really, so I don’t think she knew about my anorexia. I had to laugh!
6. It is not unusual for me to take two hours to write a post on here because I get distracted every five minutes. This one has taken an hour so far.
7. I love solving puzzles. One of the reasons I love physics so much is that it’s just a billion different puzzles. I particularly enjoy factorising quadratic equations 🙂

Right, it is now only half an hour before I have to leave for my appointment, so I have to turn my computer off, put my physics books away (I originally came online to post a question about an equation which doesn’t make any sense to me at all on the OU website, and then randomly decided to post. Oops) and go find a book engrossing enough to stop me from freaking out in the waiting room. At least it will all be over in an hour.

Three good things about today:
1. I love blogging
2. I love physics, even if it is incomprehensible sometimes
3. I love finding gf chocolate cake that doesn’t taste like cardboard. I have one in the cupboard, yum

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8 responses to “Well this has been a good distraction…

  1. Good luck at the appointment!! It would give me the jitters, too… hope it went well!

    I love puzzles as much as the next person, probably more; but physics and me? Yeah, we didn’t get along that well. That would be because when something involves math, my brain takes a leave of absence. :p

    ❤ ❤

  2. laurasworthlesswords

    I would dread that appointment as well, I hope it went ok and wasnt to unpleasant.

    I love sprouts to 🙂 I dont think people give them a good enough try, they are yummy little things!

  3. Aww, thanks for the award 🙂 🙂 I love your blog too, but you know that already 😉

    I hope your appointment is/was ok!!

  4. Hey! Im so glad your feeling better. Judging from your pictures… your smile is to beautiful to not share with the world. I know i see it on my comment feed and feel ready to take on the world. You deerve to have a wonderful winter and, if it helps, ill send you a fruitcake from america. Worry not, im a vegan baker and LOVE cooking with buckwheat and oat flour. Gluten free WHAT!

    Being a guy i cant understand the anxiety of a OBGYN appointment, but i know how i feel when i see my doctors and dont wish it on anyone. Were with you lovie!

  5. determinedtoshine

    katie! oh how i have missed you and your brilliant posts. im sorry about the way you’ve been feeling recently 😦 but glad your getting support from your therapist. in times like these you can never have too much support!

    thank you so much for the award! im flattered that you even remembered me lol, so that was a wonderful surprise for me 🙂

    oh and…. I LOVE BRUSSEL SPROUTS!!! they are a seriously misunderstood vegetable 😉

    good luck with the doctors appointment(s!) and enjoy that chocolate cake 😉

    xoxo hannah

  6. Aw thanks for the award hun 🙂 and for plugging my blog, hehe. now you’re sending more blog traffic my way I guess I should write more!

    I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately, this week has been rather stressful workwise. From back reading it sounds like you’ve been going through a fair bit too, but im glad you’re feeling a bit better. Its always good to vent! Such a good way to release frustrations, no matter how big or small.

    Hope the appointment went ok anyway. I have been trying to get on msn all night to catch up with you but it wont let me connect 😦 grr..

  7. *hugs* The mood changes that you describe have been happening to me too…there always seems to be a swing from manic summers to majorly depressive episodes as soon as October starts to creep in. Though my GP said they would certainly ‘look into’ the possibility of getting me a light box so hopefully they’ll do the same for you.

    ‘Those’ appointments are never pleasant…I hope it went as well as its possible for such things to go. I honestly think you’re so brave for going at all given what’s happened to you in the past!

    I love sprouts but they don’t like me…broccoli’s the same! I must be the only one at Christmas sitting there wishing that they COULD eat the sprouts that everyone else is avoiding. Or I would if my parents celebrated Christmas lol 😉 I just have to stick to spinach and watercress…oh, and do peas count?

    I love blogging too and miss the community so much right now! I just wish I had time to post more *kicks huge pile of reading*

  8. I dislike those types of appointments, it always feels so bloody weird. Actually I dislike all appointments, I have a habit of hating complaining but will whine and moan later on. So sitting there in front of someone telling them what is wrong feels very strange to me and I end up having them coerce stuff out of me.
    I hope you feel better, I’m sorry you feel so crappy and so *HUGEST HUG IN THE WORLD*
    Also no you were not being oversensitive, mean people or stupid people should keep their stupid and or mean comments to themselves.

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