Thank you all so much for your comments on my post yesterday. I had trouble getting to sleep for thinking about it on the day the comment I was writing about was left, and I was so worried that everyone would think I was being really oversensitive writing about it yesterday but it really did hurt and I couldn’t just ignore it. Now I’m relieved that I did write that post, otherwise I wouldn’t have realised that the person who left it just misunderstood things badly and that the rest of you don’t think I’m a lazy sod 😛
In 90 minutes time I have an appointment with a nurse at my GP practise. I’m not usually one to get all wound up over medical appointments but this is for gynaecological shizzle, so my stomach is officially one big knot. The only other time in my life that I have had such a thing done I was doped up on valium and quetiapine so goodness knows how my brain is going to react to going through it sober. Best to find out now though, putting things off generally only makes them seem scarier.
I got a nice email from my therapist yesterday. I sent her one telling her that I couldn’t seem to stop crying over everything and it was annoying me (I am the queen of understatement 😛 ) and she replied trying to reassure me that it is normal and to be expected at certain points in recovery. I am trying to believe that but I’m still pretty freaked out. As well as randomly bursting into tears every five minutes I feel all slowed down, tired, lacking motivation, not finding things as fun or interesting as a few weeks ago, finding it hard to get to sleep and waking up early – all my usual early warning signs for depression. I guess I can’t really do anything about it other than wait and see what happens. I’m seriously not impressed with this though. Hello brain, can we possibly go ONE WINTER without shutting down? I would quite like to enjoy Christmas for a change. Goodness knows I’ve only had one other relatively ED-free Christmas in the last 12 years and the last three have been just awful, so I would like to get to have fun this time. Please? I am seeing my GP next week (lol, nurse today, CPN tomorrow, therapy Friday, GP Monday – this is not what the social calendar of a 25 year old should look like) so I will ask him about getting a light box. I think I’m allergic to winter!
My blog has been accumulating awards over the last week! Jessica, Laura and Nancy gave me the Kreativ blogger (very kreativ spelling there 😛 I like it) and Aisha gave me the Honest scrap one. Thank you peoples!!! I did the honesty one last month I think and I’ve done the Kreativ one before but that was ages ago, so what the hell 😉
Seven bloggers I want to pass it on to:
Fiona – just because she’s cool 😉
Katie – because she’s the most creative person I know, any way you spell it 😛
Jemima – although she doesn’t blog very often anymore she is a lovely person and is moving away to university very soon, so I think she needs to be told how brilliant she is!
Kim – who just celebrated her first ‘blogiversary’, and I am incredibly glad that she has stuck with blogging for a year because I always find her posts are thought provoking and inspiring.
Hannah – because I’ve just noticed that she’s back from South Africa and I’m really glad to see her blogging again!
Antonia – a very good friend of mine who has just started a new blog, so I’m trying to get all of you to go read it. Shameless, Katie, shameless. She’s very clever and an absolute star though, so do it. Doooo itttt.
I WOULD nominate my friend J but I think he might be a bit too grown up for playing bloggie awards. Am I right J? I still think he’s great though 😉
Seven things about me. The problem with being almost compulsively honest is that I don’t think I have seven previously unshared things to include! 😛
1. My all time hero is Einstein. I have an ‘Einstein quote of the day’ application on my iGoogle home page, along with NASA photos and ladybirds. Eclectic!
2. If I could be any fictional character it would be Scully from the X-Files. I even begged my mum for a long black coat for Christmas the year I was 14 because she kept wearing one in season 4.
3. The only green vegetables I like are broccoli and sprouts. Sprouts are yum 🙂
4. I never really buy labelled clothes and the only things in my wardrobe which could possibly fit that description are two hoodies from Animal. I am in love with Animal hoodies because they are so soft and fluffy!
5. Facebook hates me. Two days ago one of my cousins did a quiz to find out her ideal weight and there was a picture of the scales saying ‘fat’ next to a number which was MY EXACT WEIGHT. I presume this is because my cousin is quite a bit over that weight, but still, it was an amusing moment 😛 and then yesterday I posted something about my current addiction to olives, and another cousin asked me if they were fattening because since she started eating them all the time she has gained 30lbs. In her defence, my family do not talk about…anything, really, so I don’t think she knew about my anorexia. I had to laugh!
6. It is not unusual for me to take two hours to write a post on here because I get distracted every five minutes. This one has taken an hour so far.
7. I love solving puzzles. One of the reasons I love physics so much is that it’s just a billion different puzzles. I particularly enjoy factorising quadratic equations 🙂
Right, it is now only half an hour before I have to leave for my appointment, so I have to turn my computer off, put my physics books away (I originally came online to post a question about an equation which doesn’t make any sense to me at all on the OU website, and then randomly decided to post. Oops) and go find a book engrossing enough to stop me from freaking out in the waiting room. At least it will all be over in an hour.
Three good things about today:
1. I love blogging
2. I love physics, even if it is incomprehensible sometimes
3. I love finding gf chocolate cake that doesn’t taste like cardboard. I have one in the cupboard, yum