Things that make me happy:
I eat crisps if I am feeling too lazy to make a proper snack 😛 and this one made me smile!
Some of the birthday cards I was given/sent last week. Note in particular Jessica’s lovely dalmatian drawing (still trying to work out where to hang the paintings 😉 ), Katie’s ‘Girl with Books’ card and veggie business cards, and the card to the right of them – Edward Monkton’s ‘Law of Straightness’. TWO people gave me this card. Do I come across as a little obsessive, maybe? Never 😛
If I am lying awake at night getting a bit panicky I often look at the poster in the centre of this photograph. It’s one I got free with an astronomy magazine, and it shows pictures of galaxies colliding. How can I possibly be scared of anything when out in space whole GALAXIES are being created, merged and destroyed? Also in this photo are the posters I made myself of things to remember about anorexia and a list of all the negative effects of EDs I could think of, and the copy of the famous ‘I want to believe’ poster from The X-Files 😛
That would be my dinner this evening: homemade falafel and sweet potato chips. Don’t be fooled by the lack of volume, there were a shed load of calories in there – I put a ton of peanut butter in the falafel! My stomach was a bit dodgy so I thought I would go for high calorie density over bulk. Anyway, this was REALLY good. I kept the falafel simple – chickpeas, peanut butter, red onion, coriander, cumin, tumeric and s+p. Yuuum 🙂 I had a vegan chocolate bar for dessert too. However bad my IBS is, 99.9% of the time I can still eat chocolate!
It’s the beginning of a new month, so I thought I would check my relapse prevention plan 🙂
Behavioural 2/16 – working my way down to a maintenence intake did make me a little more anxious about portion sizes, so I did probably weigh more of my food than last month – but certainly not everything, only carbs and occasional beans or nut butter. I still need to keep an eye on this though because it can get silly quite quickly and before I know it I’m putting tomatoes or mushrooms on the scales 😛 I also STILL need to work harder at keeping myself away from diet/weight articles/websites. I think it’s actually more of an OCD thing than an anorexic one at this point but it’s not helpful and I really need to stop it.
Emotional/cognitive 0/9 – I have actually lost the one which has been noted for the last few months because I feel pretty OK body image wise at the moment! I didn’t notice when my weight started being perfectly acceptable to my head but it really is. Cool beans 🙂
Physical 0/9 – nothing at all, take that anorexia!!
October goals: go back to working on only weighing dry carbs like pasta and rice; no looking at weight/diet related websites; stick to current intake to maintain my weight – absolutely no decreasing it; stick to going to the gym three times a week, no more.
The major change in September has to have been not feeling so uncomfortable in my body anymore. I’ve been typing emotional/cognitive: 1/9 for the whole time I’ve been working from this relapse prevention plan but now it’s 0/9! I think going to the gym has helped me start to appreciate having a healthy, properly working body again. Having my body do what I want it to and feeling GOOD physically and mentally after exercising (as opposed to dead, lol) feels like a great reward for the last six months of hard work!