October :)

Things that make me happy:

I eat crisps if I am feeling too lazy to make a proper snack 😛 and this one made me smile!

Some of the birthday cards I was given/sent last week. Note in particular Jessica’s lovely dalmatian drawing (still trying to work out where to hang the paintings 😉 ), Katie’s ‘Girl with Books’ card and veggie business cards, and the card to the right of them – Edward Monkton’s ‘Law of Straightness’. TWO people gave me this card. Do I come across as a little obsessive, maybe? Never 😛

If I am lying awake at night getting a bit panicky I often look at the poster in the centre of this photograph. It’s one I got free with an astronomy magazine, and it shows pictures of galaxies colliding. How can I possibly be scared of anything when out in space whole GALAXIES are being created, merged and destroyed? Also in this photo are the posters I made myself of things to remember about anorexia and a list of all the negative effects of EDs I could think of, and the copy of the famous ‘I want to believe’ poster from The X-Files 😛

That would be my dinner this evening: homemade falafel and sweet potato chips. Don’t be fooled by the lack of volume, there were a shed load of calories in there – I put a ton of peanut butter in the falafel! My stomach was a bit dodgy so I thought I would go for high calorie density over bulk. Anyway, this was REALLY good. I kept the falafel simple – chickpeas, peanut butter, red onion, coriander, cumin, tumeric and s+p. Yuuum 🙂 I had a vegan chocolate bar for dessert too. However bad my IBS is, 99.9% of the time I can still eat chocolate!

It’s the beginning of a new month, so I thought I would check my relapse prevention plan 🙂

Behavioural 2/16 – working my way down to a maintenence intake did make me a little more anxious about portion sizes, so I did probably weigh more of my food than last month – but certainly not everything, only carbs and occasional beans or nut butter. I still need to keep an eye on this though because it can get silly quite quickly and before I know it I’m putting tomatoes or mushrooms on the scales 😛 I also STILL need to work harder at keeping myself away from diet/weight articles/websites. I think it’s actually more of an OCD thing than an anorexic one at this point but it’s not helpful and I really need to stop it.

Emotional/cognitive 0/9 – I have actually lost the one which has been noted for the last few months because I feel pretty OK body image wise at the moment! I didn’t notice when my weight started being perfectly acceptable to my head but it really is. Cool beans 🙂

Physical 0/9 – nothing at all, take that anorexia!!

October goals: go back to working on only weighing dry carbs like pasta and rice; no looking at weight/diet related websites; stick to current intake to maintain my weight – absolutely no decreasing it; stick to going to the gym three times a week, no more.

The major change in September has to have been not feeling so uncomfortable in my body anymore. I’ve been typing emotional/cognitive: 1/9 for the whole time I’ve been working from this relapse prevention plan but now it’s 0/9! I think going to the gym has helped me start to appreciate having a healthy, properly working body again. Having my body do what I want it to and feeling GOOD physically and mentally after exercising (as opposed to dead, lol) feels like a great reward for the last six months of hard work!


5 responses to “October :)

  1. October is my favorite month. It sounds like you have a good handle on things. I am glad to hear that you don’t feel so uncomfortable with your body. I know it feels when your body feels healthy and properly working. It is a strange but wonderful feeling.

  2. Well done chick! You’re doing great 🙂

    I can be a bit obsessive about website clicking too, its kinda like a routine more than anything and not about the site itself, for me I find deleting the links and stuff helps a bit to keep it out of my sight on the screen. Although it doesn’t work as well for memory of URLs (how much better would life be if we could delete the bits of memory that were harmful to us!).. but still…

    Otherwise, goodluck! Still here and reading and enjoying and cheering you on 🙂

    love telly xo

  3. I think all crisps should be heart-shaped…but then again, it wouldn’t make finding one so special 😉

    I’m seriously blushing that you liked my picture enough to put it on your wall…just about made my day 🙂

    I really, really need to try making falafel with peanut butter. For some reason I just never thought of it and having recently worked my way through two huge jars of tahini I was pretty burnt out on the stuff.

    It’s so hard to avoid negative material relating to diet and weight when our society is so saturated by it…but congratulations for all of the achievements in other areas! It’s fantastic to see that you’re finally reaping some physical (and hopefully psychological) rewards for all of your hard work.


  4. A heart-shaped chip — how cool! (You have really nice nails, BTW. ;))

    Peanut butter in falalfel balls is an interesting concept. *stored for future reference*

    I love that it just “happened” that your weight started to be completely acceptable to you… that would be a dream come true for me!

    ❤ ❤

  5. laurasworthlesswords

    Aww that crisp that made me smile to 🙂
    Sounds as though you’ve done really well over September, I look at certain sites a lot each day and I feel like I should cut down ( I really do waste to much time on them) but I think its partly out of habit, Im so in the habit of going to them every day and reading every post. Maybe try limiting yourself to just going to them once every few days or once a week.

    Id love to try your falafel :-), Ive never actually had falafel before but one with pb in it sounds yum!

    It was really nice to see some of the things that make you happy and to also hear how well you have been doing over the months, you’ve come such a long way, Im glad your hard work is paying off.

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