Random moment of bravery

At the rape crisis training yesterday evening we did another ice breaking exercise. As I said before, those things make me really anxious. This one was a killer – we were given a sticky label and asked to write our name in the centre, someone we admired in the bottom left, and something we were proud of in the top right, then go around the room and talk to everyone about what we’d written. I thought about it and wrote ‘Brian May’ for the person I admire – he’s not only an amazing guitarist but has a PhD in astrophysics too! I mean, how is it fair that one person can be THAT talented and THAT intelligent at the same time?! – but I got stuck on the thing I am proud of. I haven’t done much to be proud of academically speaking in the last five years. I’ve been a serial drop out.Β After five minutes of sitting there like a deer in the headlights,Β I decided to push myself a bit. And by a bit, I mean my heart was thumping for the entire half an hour we did this exercise. Here’s my label:

HELL yeah. Now this is a new approach! I have talked about my history in various settings before, but I usually gave the impression that my problems were years ago. This time I said that I was ill this time last year, spent all of 2009 recovering and have been at a healthy weight since September. And everyone was nice, not judgemental at all! They congratulated me, asked questions and were generally very nice. Note to self: people are generally not all that scary.

This photo is for Sarah πŸ˜› it’s just of my bedroom wall. We were comparing geekiness earlier via email and I was telling her about my coveted copy of Mulder’s “I want to believe” poster. Note that it is next to my astronomy calendar, poster of galaxies colliding, cartoon about the Large Hadron Collider and long list of reasons that I want to stay in recovery. I think this wall says a lot about me!

Anyway, this isn’t intended to be a super long post, I just wanted to share my random moment of bravery! Go me πŸ™‚


17 responses to “Random moment of bravery

  1. I love your wall! hehe thanks for sharing it with me πŸ™‚

    No but seriously well done for your ‘random moment of bravery’…often the fear of opening up is worse than the actual consequences of doing it. It’s amazing that most people usually know someone who has had problems, or have firsthand experience themselves. While there will always be the judgemental people, it’s nice to know that not everyone is included in this category, especially for something like rape crisis training.

    Anyway well done you, and I’d better go before I start whistling the X-files theme tune at my computer screen!

    Sarah x

  2. Oh, I love this! Yes, people aren’t that scary, but I always think they are. I have so much anxiety about sharing certain things, until I realize that people 1) can probably relate with a similar experience, and 2) want to connect and experience compassion/empathy. It is a risk to put yourself out there, so way to go! I love that you took a picture of the sticker πŸ™‚

  3. lunchiemunchies

    That’s so great you could share your past at the group and YES girl it is one hell of an achievement. xxxxxxxx

  4. Awesome!
    And I have the same duvet cover as in your pic πŸ˜€

  5. Little Notes

    Yay πŸ™‚ well done! It is something to be proud of so I`m glad you were able to open up to your group. Sometimes it can be surprising just how people react and you can find out that others have shared some very similar experiences.
    Anyways, good for you πŸ™‚

  6. I’m glad you shared that because I think you should be hugely proud of yourself. I am always kind of awestruck by how you’ve managed to kick anorexia in the ass. I know I’m always terrified about putting myself out there and sharing things but really every time I have I think I’ve been glad I did. I’m always surprised when I do at what other people share. I was terrified for a long time of going to the doctor and talking about my eating disorder but it turned out that my doctor had a niece with anorexia and she really got it. Good for you for sharing this and I love the sticker!

    I also love your wall. I’m kind of an astronomy/physics nerd too (I wish I had the math to understand it better) and I love photos of galaxies!

  7. that’s awesome, Katie. sometimes it turns out to be worth it to take risks like that in opening up to people. you can find unexpected support and acceptance. You deserve to be proud and share that part of you.

  8. That was incredibly brave of you!! But you worked damn hard at it, and you still are, so why not “brag” about it a little?! πŸ˜‰

    ❀ ❀

  9. Stef @ moretolifethanlettuce

    nice job! it takes a lot of courage to be open/even to just do those ice breaker activities at all! i’m glad you got a positive response from everyone, you’re right,people generally are not all that scary! your recovery over the past year is incredible, very inspiring. i’d never heard of that guitarist/PhD guy, but that’s pretty rad! nice wall, you’re such a space geek, and i mean that in the most loving way πŸ™‚

  10. that is so brave of you well done
    what a step!
    every time i open up a bit more, i feel a bit prouder and better about who I am.
    i like your blog
    your wall looks amazing too

  11. Sometimes we don’t give other people enough credit (and then other times, we give them entirely too much). They usually are more open and receptive than we would think, so big props!

    I love those “little” moments of victory when you can feel good and accomplished because you faced something challenging and came out on top–a healthy accomplishment you can be proud of…novel idea? πŸ˜‰ Love it.

  12. I think that is an AWESOME moment of bravery, thanks for sharing that with us. There is a lot to be said for risking feeling vulnerable in order to step forward and “own” a personal accomplishment. Score!

  13. Jessica Zara

    That was so courageous of you. It takes immense strength to open yourself up to judgement like that but so often the harshest critics are ourselves. I’ve been astounded by how understanding the tutors at University have been once I opened up about my mental health issues. It’s not on the same level as your achievement though!

    Nothing whatsoever wrong with geekiness. I watch University Challenge with pride πŸ˜› Not that I get many of the questions right though πŸ˜‰



  14. Your wall is awesome! πŸ˜€

    And I think you’re both brave and amazing for sharing that with the people at your group. It’s good people aren’t as scary as we sometimes think. πŸ™‚

  15. Nice job girly! Putting yourself out there and sharing something really personal is always really scary but even more so when it’s with people you don’t know very well, so what you did is a huge accomplishment. I agree, people always end up being much less judgmental and scary than I make them out to be… Unless they are cannibals of course! Cannibals are definitely worth being scared of. πŸ˜‰
    I loved seeing your wall. It definitely says a lot about who Katie is. The managers of our apartment building won’t let us put anything on the walls, so mine is just boring whiteness. Blah!


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