At the rape crisis training yesterday evening we did another ice breaking exercise. As I said before, those things make me really anxious. This one was a killer – we were given a sticky label and asked to write our name in the centre, someone we admired in the bottom left, and something we were proud of in the top right, then go around the room and talk to everyone about what we’d written. I thought about it and wrote ‘Brian May’ for the person I admire – he’s not only an amazing guitarist but has a PhD in astrophysics too! I mean, how is it fair that one person can be THAT talented and THAT intelligent at the same time?! – but I got stuck on the thing I am proud of. I haven’t done much to be proud of academically speaking in the last five years. I’ve been a serial drop out. After five minutes of sitting there like a deer in the headlights, I decided to push myself a bit. And by a bit, I mean my heart was thumping for the entire half an hour we did this exercise. Here’s my label:
HELL yeah. Now this is a new approach! I have talked about my history in various settings before, but I usually gave the impression that my problems were years ago. This time I said that I was ill this time last year, spent all of 2009 recovering and have been at a healthy weight since September. And everyone was nice, not judgemental at all! They congratulated me, asked questions and were generally very nice. Note to self: people are generally not all that scary.
This photo is for Sarah 😛 it’s just of my bedroom wall. We were comparing geekiness earlier via email and I was telling her about my coveted copy of Mulder’s “I want to believe” poster. Note that it is next to my astronomy calendar, poster of galaxies colliding, cartoon about the Large Hadron Collider and long list of reasons that I want to stay in recovery. I think this wall says a lot about me!
Anyway, this isn’t intended to be a super long post, I just wanted to share my random moment of bravery! Go me 🙂