I have had a stressful week this week. Not because of anything emotional for a change, but because of my open university course. I finished an assignment last week and now I have another one to do. I know I’ve covered similar material in the past, understood it and been able to use it perfectly, but at the moment it’s like the information is going in my eyes and out of my ears. I read a couple of pages, understand it, try to do the questions at the end of the section and I’ve forgotten it all already. Once I look at the answers at the back of the book it makes perfect sense, I want to smack myself for being so daft, but if I try the questions again later I will have forgotten again! I just got to the end of the textbook on electromagnetism and tomorrow I start special relativity. Holy crap. NONE of what I read is going in, so trying to understand Einstein’s theories is going to be torturous! My coursework isn’t so bad because I have my textbooks to work from, but the exam in June is going to be difficult if this doesn’t improve. I can only think that’s it’s a residual effect of the anorexia, because I wasn’t having these problems up until the end of 2008. Epic fail, eating disorder. At the moment my favourite theory is that it’s hormonal – do you guys ever feel like PMS knocks 20 IQ points off of you? When I have PMS I forget what I’m doing, forget the end of sentences, get words mixed up, can’t park my car (or should that be cark my par?) to save my life (yeah, yeah, I’m a cliche!). I’ve had my periods back since last July and currently feel as if I have permanent PMS, like I’m going through puberty for the second time at age 25. I’ve been at a decent weight since September, and apparently it can take about two years for hormones to get back to normal after getting to a healthy weight. Based on this, I should prepare to be stupid until sometime during winter 2011. ARGH.
Given my frustration and the fact that I have spent literally all week in my room, alternating between studying and internetting, I decided to give myself the day off. I went into town this morning, four hours before therapy, to do some shopping. I don’t let myself go shopping very often, because I don’t have much money and I worry about being in debt (do you ever get the feeling from my blog that if it’s possible to worry about something, I will do so? Lol), but I really needed a break before my head exploded! Luckily shopping really cheered me up – the weather was lovely and I found lots of nice shiny things to take my mind off of physics! Now I just can’t resist sharing 😉
1. Food loot! I did of course buy savoury things as well, but they are boring and I always think that blogs are quite dessert-deficient 😛 so here we have (all dairy and gluten free): chocolate muffins, millionnaire’s shortbread, Lindt chocolate (my current favourite), another type of chocolate in case I get bored of Lindt, Alpro soya vanilla desserts (which I will melt chocolate into, because the chocolate flavoured ones are not chocolatey enough!), chocolate covered coconut bar, ginger biscuits dipped in chocolate and shortbread biscuits with, you guessed it, chocolate chips. I wrote chocolate nine times in that sentence. Anyone get the impression that I like chocolate?! This lot is now in a drawer by my bed. I keep them there because I am astounded that desserts can live in my bedroom without me a) freaking out and throwing them all away or b) eating them all at once. I have something from my drawer after lunch and dinner, and occasionally a biscuit in the evening if I’m hungry. Other than that, they sit in my drawer in my room and I periodically marvel at the wonders of recovery.
2. Miscellaneous loot: a green top, next month’s Vegetarian magazine, Life, The Universe and Everything by Douglas Adams (I have the other four but have been missing that one for years, then I found it in a discount bookshop earlier!), and LOTS of lovely beads from my favourite bead shop. I bought new strings of tiger’s eye and heart shaped goldstone because I love working with them 🙂
3. The new shirt I bought with a Marks and Spencer giftcard from Christmas. I think it’s really pretty!
4. I would never have even thought of buying this bracelet if I hadn’t had the giftcard – yay for Christmas presents! I love it, it’s great for a fidgeter like me 😛
5. When I got home I found a parcel! Inside the envelope was this pretty box – how exciting 😀
6. FUDGE!!! And not just ANY fudge, vegan chocolate banana fudge from Katie of Green Bean Studio! This is in honour of me getting to my target weight 🙂 thank you Katie! It’s SO good, I don’t think it’s even going to last 24 hours…
I am so glad that I gave myself this day off, I think I am going to have to do the same thing every Friday to stop myself getting too frustrated. I won’t be able to shop every Friday because I’ll run out of money 😉 but I can window shop!