Progress of various kinds


I’ve done two days: one on the dementia floor which was fun, and the other was manual handling training, which was tedious as hell, but I’ve done it before so I wasn’t expecting any different 😉 I don’t think I’ll have to actually DO any manual handling as an activities person, but it’s mandatory training – even the chefs do it! Tomorrow I’m on the residential (non-dementia) floor, so I’ll get a better idea of what sort of activities people are interested in. So far I’ve not done anything worse than get a couple of names wrong, so I don’t think they are regretting their decision yet! I felt awkward at the training – I have a really hard time working out how people feel about me and I always presume the worst, so I was sitting there talking myself out of various worst case scenarios all day (she’s going to go back and tell all the staff that I’m boring as hell and should be avoided at all costs and they will all hate me and…oh shush, get a grip already 😛 )

Post-camping effects:

I have a cough and a sore throat 😦 This was very evident at choir this evening, where I sounded like a teenage boy just entering puberty. Come back voice, all is forgiven!

Indirect post-camping effects:

Feeling like utter shit on Sunday and Monday meant that I didn’t really eat all that much – my glands were all swollen, my throat had been sandpapered and I felt like death. In the past – even last year – not being able to eat much for as little as a couple of days caused an immediate reappearance of eating disordered thoughts as if they had never been away, and it was a struggle to get back on track. This happened every time I got sick, even if there was NO emotional stress in my life at the time. It’s a purely biological reaction to not eating properly, and it’s incredibly weird to get stuck in the middle of it, knowing that the thoughts are just there because I didn’t eat enough but also experiencing how persuasive they are. It took a lot to keep myself healthy last year when I had virus after virus. But apparently this is improving, because I got up on Tuesday and made pancakes for breakfast without a second thought, and later on I made fudge for the first time too! Good to know that my body and mind are becoming more resilient 🙂


I’d never even made normal fudge before, let alone the vegan variety, so it was…uh, very experimental. It didn’t set very well but it still tasted nice, so I don’t think the recipe needs much in the way of tweaking. I’m spreading it on pancakes and in sandwiches instead of trying to eat it in pieces, which just wouldn’t have worked. The one major problem I had was burning it! When I had finished the bottom of my saucepan was BLACK. Black and lumpy. I thought my poor saucepan was dead, and was ready to throw it away. I put some cold water in it with a view to reassessing the situation the next day. In the morning I went to change the water, and discovered that the whole of the black bit had set and could be peeled off the bottom! Lo and behold, my saucepan was back to normal. It was a miracle: beforehand it had looked like a tar pit capable of killing  a dinosaur. In fact, I have a photo of the tar pit after removal, but it’s SO DISGUSTING that I didn’t want to put it on my blog. Click here to see: beware if you are currently eating 😛


I’m now into week three of reintroducing wheat, and so far I’m not dead. I’m probably eating it 3-4 times a week and my digestive system is not exactly thrilled, but I’m also not horribly ill, so I’ll take that as a sign to continue! All I wanted was to be able to eat it a few times a week for convenience. More shops sell gluten free sandwiches now (Waitrose, Marks and Sparks, Boots), but I have yet to find one which is both gluten AND dairy free. Plus wheat bread tastes better, so there.

Jonathan got to satisfy a long term ambition yesterday and take me to a “normal” restaurant; i.e. one which doesn’t serve purely gluten free/vegan food. Score! We went to Pizza Express: one of my vegan friends used to get cheeseless pizzas from there so I knew they catered for the dairy free, and being a chain I thought they would more likely be on top of allergy issues than an independent restaurant. I took a quick and blurry photo of my pizza but it was crap (the photo, not the pizza. The pizza was great!), so I won’t bother posting it 😛 I had a Veneziana, which has black olives, capers, sultanas, red onion and pine kernels and tomato stuff on a very normal and bog-standard wheat base. It was great, but I was chattering like an old lady all the way through so it got cold before I finished. Pft.


Here endeth my mid-week review. I will be back soon 🙂


5 responses to “Progress of various kinds

  1. Yay – great stuff! So good to know that all the effort you have put into recovery and the insight that you have is keeping you safe no matter what the Scottish weather does to you! Get well soon though ❤

    And one more thing, (although you have to promise not to tell anyone because it is a secret that I actually DO like food and DO have opinions on it) – I love Pizza Express, so I'm really glad you got to eat there with Jonathan :-).

    x x x

  2. Oooh, sorry that you are still feeling poorly from camping. Did you take any pictures of the festival? (I should probably just be quiet and wait for the POTW). So glad that work is going well, hopefully the non dementia floor will be both fun and rewarding. I am pretty much positive that no one is going to think that it is a mistake that they hired you or think that you are boring. Also, in addition to Ursus, I love Pizza Express too! It’s great, tasty and there are normally offers on so not too pricey either. Many moons ago I used to adore their chocolate cake heated up in the microwave so it was squidgy 🙂

  3. Being that I’m meant to be eating wheat I’m wondering whether I should try Pizza Express…if I’m going to kill my intestines anyway I wouldn’t have to bother asking them to leave off onion or garlic! So happy you got to eat somewhere ‘normal’ though 🙂

    And hurrah for recovering from the virus of doom. Although that fudge pan creation looks equally deadly…


  4. I love the photo of the bottom of the fudge pan. So awesome that it came off in one lump 😀

    The statement you made: “…not being able to eat much for as little as a couple of days caused an immediate reappearance of eating disordered thoughts as if they had never been away, and it was a struggle to get back on track…”. I TOTALLY get that. It makes so much sense. It has been one of the things that has been worrying me about having a tonsillectomy; i.e. the fact that it will disrupt my eating and that I may lose weight an revert back into eating behaviours. My relapses in the past have always been linked to negative energy balance.

    I’m glad your job is going well and I hope you feel better soon!

    P.S. I love Pizza Express too!

  5. Yay! That’s all fantastic news, and I hope you recover from the cough and sore throat soon.

    FWIW I think the concerns you mentioned in your previous post about getting ‘found out’ and feeling like an imposter are very common ones, and I know people who worry about this for all kinds of reasons, not limited to having a mental health history! It’s one of my hangups too. I don’t know whether this helps but you’re definitely not alone with it.

    Moon Tree x

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