Epic PMS has gone, thank goodness, so my brain is a bit less cluttered with general panic and chaos. Honestly, I know girls are awesome but sometimes I wish I was male.
Anyway. I sat down the other night and made a list of things which are making me unhappy. One of them is my current job. It’s partly the change of manager – the new lady seems lovely but I had only been in the job for six weeks when the first one left, so hadn’t had my full induction, training, supervision, or any input into what I was supposed to do for Christmas (which needs organising months in advance), and so on. My craft cupboard is still in desperate need of re-stocking and I’m still not in charge of the activities budget. But hopefully now the new manager is here all of this will be sorted out in time. The job itself is a stressful one, with frequent deaths and challenging behaviour. It’s hard to motivate people to join in, and I have to work individually with those who won’t join in. I’m only working 20 hours a week, so it’s quite hard to make sure everyone gets the same amount of attention. I don’t play favourites or give anyone special attention, but some people will take part in everything I do and treat me like I’m their great and wonderful saviour from boredom, and of course when I go and spend time with the others they are the first to complain that there’s nothing to do. It’s really hard keeping everyone happy.
The other problem with the job is Christmas. I still can’t conceive of not going home for Christmas. I know, I’m 27 next week and I’m not even religious, but my family has had a tough year and it’s hard getting them all together in one place given that there are seven of us. I am sleeping really badly at the moment, because I feel so homesick and upset about this. I am NOT going to move back to Dorset – I love the north east, I am really excited about my counselling degree and it would be prohibitively expensive to do my training down south. I couldn’t afford the cost of living either, everything is a lot cheaper up here.
I’ve also considered quitting my job because the hours and responsibilities are too much for me, given that this is my first job after eight years of illness. The problem with that is there’s a benefits exclusion for those who make themselves voluntarily unemployed – I couldn’t claim Jobseekers allowance for SIX MONTHS if I quit. I can’t support myself with no income for six months – I’ve saved up quite a bit over the last year, but not that much. I could try to find a new job, but that takes time and unemployment is high, and there’s no guarantee they wouldn’t want me to work over Christmas as well. I’m being silly about Christmas when most people would be grateful to even HAVE a job, I know…but I can’t go home until Easter if not at Christmas, because of college. I’m already missing a week due to the conference in November, so missing another week isn’t really on. Counselling is a vocational subject, not one where attending lectures doesn’t really matter because you can read it all in a textbook – there’s a lot of assessment and skills training involved.
So the job is a pain, and a pain which is keeping me up at night. Thankfully my other problems seem much more easily solved. I’m phoning my landlord today to tell him that the bathroom needs sorting out, and I’m sending him a letter to say that I’m moving out next month. The lovely Moontree got me in touch with one of her friends who was looking for a flatmate, and although the room is tiny it’s in a perfect location, with nice people and the rent is low, so I’ve made up the majority of my mind to move there next month. Maybe I can make some money by selling some of my useless rubbish on ebay. Or maybe I could do a blog sale 😛 I have soooo many random mental health books that I don’t want or need any more…
I’m going to have to keep thinking about the job problem. If anyone has a magic solution (or just wants to kick my butt and tell me I’m being silly), please let me know!