Last week I found a new house and started my counselling degree, so I wasn’t really blogging/commenting much – excepting the PMS-fuelled freaking out, of course.
I can’t really claim credit for the new house. I put out a general distress signal on Facebook and Twitter, and Moontree sent me the contact details of a friend of hers who was looking for a housemate. I phoned her friend and friend’s landlord up during my lunch break, arranged to view the house that evening and had called her landlord to confirm that I wanted the room within 24 hours. The deposit is paid and my current landlord has been informed that I’m leaving mid-October. I received a letter back this morning saying that this was fine and they would collect the keys on the day I left. It was all very quick and efficient.
I will miss this house in some ways. In SOME ways it was a massive pain in the butt. The degree of insulation is pathetic, to the extent that my hardened northerner of a boyfriend refused to stay over all winter because it was too cold even for him. I spent November till March wearing eight layers of clothing (let’s see…underwear, vest top, long sleeved top, thin jumper, thick jumper, coat, dressing gown and blanket. Yep, eight) whenever I was indoors. I didn’t REALLY want to go through that again this year. And the slugs! The slugs were slimy menaces. I don’t have a problem with most insects, but slugs, worms and snails creep me out. Finding one slugging around my kitchen floor at 3am, or jumping into the shower in the morning only to uncover one under the soap dish was not pleasant. I am assured that slugs have never been sighted in the house I’m moving to!
But I have grown fond of the area I’m living in currently. I’m close to the seaside and I have a lovely park a couple of hundred metres from my front door. It’s very convenient for work too, I usually walk the mile or so there and back unless the weather’s bad or I’m unusually tired. And I like living on my own, most of the time. It messes with my anxiety sometimes – when my palpitations are bad I worry that I’m going to become really unwell and be unable to get help, and at night I get a bit paranoid about people breaking in – but I do like having lots of space to spread out in, my own kitchen, the freedom to do whatever I like whenever I want to (as long as it’s legal 😛 ).
The room in the flat I’m moving to is absolutely tiny, so I’ve already started to sort through all my belongings, working out what to take and what to put into storage (at my parents’ house, most likely! Mum only brought half of my stuff up with her in March, now she’s going to have to take it back there when she visits next month). But that’s the only negative point – the people living there are friendly, the landlord seems nice enough, it’s in a good location quite near to the city centre and only two minutes from my favourite restaurant and its vegan ice cream, and the rent is good. It would have been virtually impossible to cope with living alone this winter, with my income being slashed so drastically at the end of this month. Now I’ll be able to afford things like food on top of rent and bills 😛 which is a relief! It’s not so convenient for work, but I’m planning to buy a second hand bicycle to avoid paying for public transport every day. The part of the city I’ll be moving to is also not too far from the coast (on the other side of the Tyne, but just as scenic as the coast at South Shields), and it’s a ten minute walk to some of the loveliest parks in the city. So I might miss having as much space as I do now, but there are lots of aspects to the move which will be improvements on my current situation. It’ll do me good to live with other people again too. I’m quite a sociable creature really, and I tend to feel more positive and cheerful when I have company. And it’s not really like I’ll be wanting for space with Jesmond Dene on my doorstep…
As for the other notable event of last week – going back to college – well, I just couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot all day. I even grinned like an idiot when it took over an hour for all of us to have our dual-enrolment forms checked (we have our lessons at South Tyneside College but the degree is accredited by Sunderland University, so we get to use the facilities of both institutions). I am so happy to be a university student again! My course sounds fascinating too, and the tutor taking our first day of classes won me over instantly when she talked about our core modules. Other than during my interview in June I’d not had any contact with the CBT tutor, but she seemed really nice, calm and funny. It was lovely to see my friends from the last course too – not all of us got in, but about half the class was made up of people I already knew. I came home on Thursday wishing I could go to college every day. I can’t remember the last time I was this excited about my education. Maybe when I was studying OT? I loved physics, but it appealed more to my obsessive love of numbers and problem solving, which were rather too related to my eating disorder for it to really become a passion. I wish it was Thursday again tomorrow.
Speaking of Thursdays, this one is my birthday. It’s a testament to how much I’m looking forward to college that I don’t mind being there from 1-9pm on my birthday 😛 I’m going to do most of the celebrating on Wednesday with Jonathan. He’s taking me out into Newcastle for the night, with instructions to bring my toothbrush! Presumably this means a night in a hotel rather than an evening cleaning pigeon poo off local statues. I am also informed that dinner and the cinema will be involved. Lucky me 🙂
My mood hasn’t done a complete 180° turn since last week – I’m still incredibly stressed out about the job situation, and still not entirely sure why because it sounds like such a great job on paper. I feel so anxious before work and it takes all of my various anxiety-defusing skills to avoid collapsing in a hyperventilating heap at the front door of the home. My physical health is suffering – I keep getting migraine-like auras and tension headaches, I constantly feel like I’m just about to come down with the flu and my weight had dropped a bit when I checked it yesterday for the first time in a couple of months. I’m not eating any less than usual, I must just be burning too much off through nervous energy. Some of my thought patterns and anxieties are typical of the warning signs I get before I have a bit of a breakdown (I totally just wrote breakfast), but I don’t really have much choice other than to try and manage the stress and hope things improve. Tough it out, and all of that. It’s so annoying – my anxiety really shot up when I started this job, but settled down again after six weeks or so. I don’t know why this last month has been so much worse. Grumble. At least my financial worries will be largely solved by moving house next month, and starting college has improved my mood.
Things could be worse – they’ve been much worse in the past! I am okay as long as some things in my life are going well. It’s only when everything’s going to hell all at once that I need to start panicking 😛